I’ve decided to quit drinking. I think my life will be much more rewarding without alcohol. It’s a depressant. I need positive relaxation like meditation and yoga and squeezing a ball that has an image of an evil man on it which I will not disclose.
I’m going to reach out to Bradley Cooper. Ask him if he’ll be my sponsor. I’ll be like, “I’m married. This is simply me wanting to sober up. A beautiful kind face with striking blue eyes helps in the recovery process. It’s science, man. What do you say?”