Jeff Bezos Is The Answer

I’m sitting in my cubicle dreaming of ways I can quit my job. I want to exit my cubicle permanently. I could open an internet store. I go to, a Chinese product website. I search “hot trending 2019.” I could sell battery operated phone chargers for a key ring. They come in a multitude of bright colors. I’ll market my store on Facebook. The target audience is everyone.

Then I see a phone charging menu station for restaurants.  It’s a tabletop charger. The menu goes on top. Two chargers on the bottom. I think, “Brilliant. I haven’t seen these in any of the local restaurants.  I’ll be the trend-setter. Hmm, restaurants may want to encourage less phone use and, I don’t know, more drinks and appetizers. Maybe this isn’t a good plan.”

Then I think I could become a professional speaker. I’m sure there are tutorials about how to speak without looking like a dumb ass. Maybe there’s a TED Talk on how to give a TED Talk. I want to speak at schools about the correlation between junk food, sugar and mental health. I’ll get Wholefoods to sponsor me. I’ll be very careful not to say “Whole Paycheck” when referring to them. I’ll boast of how cheap their prices are now that God, I mean Amazon has taken over. That’s it! I’m off to send a scintillating email to Jeff Bezos. But before that I’m going to watch a tutorial on how to send a scintillating email.


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